You may not have noticed but I am actually not that cool. Shocking, right? Well, down through the years, I’ve learned a thing or few about cool people. And, if you'd like to be cool then maybe you should take some of my advice - or not.
The best way to appear cool is by abbreviating everything. TBWTACIBAE! You must use this type of lingo to communicate to fellow cool people. This way, non-cool people will not understand. Just FYI.
You can get a similar effect by learning keywords such as “S’Up”, “Beour” and “Spud”. By calling these randomly to people, it will insure nerds and geeks don’t try to talk to you. And if by some chance, they haven’t got the message that you are cool and they are not, you can always ignore them with a dull vacant expression.
Coolness can only be accomplished if the Facebook profile pic contains a moody, make-up caked beour with her mouth pursed and a finger pressing into her cheek. This may seem easy, but it can take a number of hours in front of the mirror to perfect.
Another excellent way of appearing cool is to have a technological device hidden in your shirt pocket. To cool peeps this will be called the blackberry/iPhone/Gallaxy SIII Mini…. To knowledge aware students it is more commonly referred to as mobile/cell/Handy…. And to elders (that is the over 28s) it is a new gadget called a phone which is used for calling people!
Of course, there is the chance of getting cancer but it’s worth the sacrifice to be cool.
I recommend wearing skin tight shorts but they must not exceed the length of your baby finger. For school uniforms the skirt may be substituted and same length-rules apply. Collars up, is also another correct way to seam cool.
It is vital that you learn to laugh properly. You must laugh at everything cool-people say, even if it is not funny. The best way to master it is to practice fake laughing and soon enough no one will know the difference. Simple!
Despite how marvellous all these tips sound, coolness is not all that cool